


Hepialus humuli

by GothMoth



Series: Prompt Fills [3]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 16:59:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18319502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothMoth/pseuds/GothMoth
Summary: Tucker has set Danny up to "date" multiple people, wild times ensue.Ghosts have relationship problems and Danny's a little shit.





	Hepialus humuli

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt Creator: danphanwritingprompts  
> Prompt: In an attempt to make money, Tucker and Danny begin to charge twenty bucks for dates with Danny Phantom.

— cut in to two young boys conversing, and being young they clearly must be up to some bullshit. -

“So”

“Yeah”

“We’re 80$ short for the trip”

“Yup”

“So….”

Danny, who had previously been watching flower blooms swaying in the trees, walks slightly closer to Tucker; blank-faced and staring.

“I was thinking”

Danny walks slightly closer

“That maybe”

Danny approaches slightly more

“We could…”

Danny, now only inches from Tucker's nose is staring at him intently

“Dude wtf” Tucker says both slightly disturbed and humoured.

“The last time you had a money scheme it involved me eating cat claw clippings for youtube” Danny says borderline touching Tuckers nose with his own, but he’s more relaxed about it than threatening.

“We could sell you” Tucker finally offers with a wave of his hand pushing Danny back a bit.

“Tuck, pal, I love you but that is single-handedly the most pathetic and idiotic way I could become Skulkers new pelt” Danny states with a smirk

“No dude, like dates. Kinda like a kissing booth but more meet and greet less kissy”

“So your plan is lowkey prostitution?” Danny says, intentionally breathing right into Tucker's eyes.

Tucker, used to this crap, simply supplies “Think of it more like operation celebrity body marketing”

“I’m guessing this doesn’t involve one Danny Fenton then does it” Danny chuckles as Tucker pushes open the doors to the Nasty Burger.

“No dude, the only ones pining for that is Val and probably Sam” earning a confused yet embarrassed glare from Danny.

“Dude, shits true” Tucker waves his hands around dramatically while muttering “I’ll get a mighty meaty triple beef and bacon death burger and he’ll have a mighty meaty cheese wrap” then to Danny “Don’t know how you got the schools two really unique and tough ass girls interested in you”

Danny gave a glare and smirk that was both a shit-eating one and a you-damn-well-know-why one.

“What you givin me angry eyes for you tit” Tucker says with mild concern in his voice. Cause normal people can be dangerous when angry, but ghost boys? Downright deadly.

“You can’t read faces for shit Tuck” Danny deadpans as they sit down.

“It’s not my fault all your face knows is abject horror, utterly crushed, absolute apathy, and a never-ending river of pure rage” Tuck jeers while poking Danny in the forehead. He meant to push Danny’s head back a bit but that, uh, didn’t happen.

“Oh yeah and how many times have you half died?” Danny laughs far too loudly while Tucker simply flicks a fry at him

“I’d think my face has earned the right to be more cutthroat” sticking his tongue out quick enough to not only point it pointedly at Tucker but also to catch the fry.

Tucker snorts “Apparently your tongues also half frog now”

Digging in his bag Tucker pulls out a notebook and shoved it at Danny. Looking inside Danny sees that it’s filled with different stats on just how much money people make off of paid meet n’ greets and just how much more they make from paid for dates.

“Jeez Tuck you went and just planned it all out huh, just assumed I’d go along” Danny deadpans while looking intentionally angry.

“Uh”

“Well shit your pants cause you’re right, this is stupid but you know who will definitely pay into this?” Danny raises an eyebrow and smiles fondly.

“Paulina” they say in unison while finger gunning at each other. Earning both of them chuckles.

After foods all well and finished the pair head out to scheme.

“So since our target is, well, our age obviously we can’t expect like a ton” Danny sighs

“No shit dude, 80$ seems fair enough that’s all we need anyways”

“We can’t just cut it off at one girl Tuck…”

Tucker cuts in while grinning miscviosuly “get as many of the ladies as we can, maybe I can even sneak a few”

“Dude no, if I only “go out” he air quotes “with one person there’d be a ton of pissed backlash, Dash would probably actually piss on Fenton if he didn’t get a chance” Danny grimaces “why does that kid seems to have such a thing for piss anyways. Piss water guns…”

“Piss Water balloons…” Tucker adds

“Even tried to feed me a baked piss pie once” Danny chuckles

“Dude, ew. I’m glad I wasn’t there for that one but yeah guys gotta have a fetish or something. Shit ain’t right” Tucker mutters while shaking his head, leaning back on his hands in the grass.

“Tell me about it, anyways we should prob go with 20$.” Danny goes on to explain as he flops down into the grass. The tall grass nearly overtaking his whole body. “Make the price more reasonable for our age group ya know?”

“Heh, you’re a cheap hooker Danny” which earns him a sudden fall to the ground via Danny turning both Tucker's arms intangible.

“HAH” Danny laughs.

Brushing himself off while lightly laughing Tucker gets up and helps Danny up.

“So I guess I’ll just activate the Facebook event then, after changing the price of course” Tucker whips out his pda and begins tapping away.

“You already made an event page? I’m starting to think you’re more interested in the pimping me out than actually getting money for the trip” Danny accuses though laughing.

“What, no. Totally not. Sooooooo not interested in hooking my buddy up with lots of pretty women for a profit” Tucker says with extreme forced innocence as Danny just rolls his eyes.

“Ya well see you tomorrow you damn perv” Danny walks away shaking his head and sighs up at the sky after a while. “This will either be extra stupid or one of the damn funniest weeks of my half-life” chuckling he heads home.

— cut to tomorrow -

“So I’ve got it all set up for this Saturday” Tucker states as he runs up to Sam and Danny as Danny’s just closing his locker.

“Got what set up?”

“All?” Danny cuts in with a raised eyebrow.

“Yup, all set up now, events already got like 14 comments from Paulina.” Tucker says with a devious smile.

“Paulina?! What the hell have you boys planned now for your shallow little princess” Sam sarcastically mutters as she instantly loses interest in the conversation.

“Oh no, it’s not really about Paulina but rather-“

“Dude, all? You know damn well what I meant by that. All? Just Saturday? As in all in one day dude?” Danny says already looking ten times more exhausted than before, which is a feat cause he already looked like the living dead.

“Oh like either of us will remember to actually do it more than once” Tucker chuckles

“He has a point there but that still doesn’t explain what you boys are doing” Sam points out.

“Tucker’s living out his pimp fantasies through me” Danny states nonchalantly.

“Huh I’m all for destruction of gender roles by having a male prostitute but wtf” Sam scolds

“It’s only set up dates” Tucker explains “set up dates for money” he adds.

“Oh that’s going to go well, you’ll smell of shallow sea water and Valerie will probably use it as a chance to attack you” Sam groans as she pinched her nose.

“Well, no shit but at this point what the heck.” Danny shrugs “plus cocky ass over here already set everything up” elbowing Tucker in the ribs playfully.

“Oh you know you want it” Tucker giggles “besides you can turn invisible and intangible, kinda hard to aggressively hug or murder what you can’t see or touch”

“I’m pretty sure I’m aware of that Tuck” Danny rolls his eyes. As the three head out, unbeknownst to the watching eyes and listening ears lurking in the shadows.

“Eh what’s this ghost boy? A setup meeting of sorts? Well don’t mind if I do” is softly chuckled as the figure slips into the darkness.

— cut to Saturday -

Danny Phantom sits awaiting what he assumes will be Paulina and surprisingly it’s not. As freaking Valerie walks up. “Huh, Paulina must be off her game today. But hey little huntress isn’t in her suit so that’s a positive” Danny states while shrugging.

“Ghost boy” Valerie sits down harshly with a glare.

“I’ll admit I both expected you and am surprised. You’re not in suit” Danny states curiously.

“Well, I figured you wouldn’t be nearly dumb enough to shoot me in this situation, almost but not quite.”

“Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence” Danny rolls his eyes leaning back with his hands behind his head.

“Besides” Valerie continues “we ended on ok terms with your cousin or whatever” Valerie visibly relaxes

“Ok, then uh what’s the point of this” Danny gestures at the ice table and chairs set he’s made. “Obviously your not here for an actual date or a pseudo one. And obviously your not here to meet cause that would be pretty pointless” Danny once again shoots her a confused but slightly disinterested look.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t up to anything fishy, ghost! Though I will give you points for a nice set up” she concedes.

Shrugging “I’ll take it, but no funny games. You could say I lost a bet and need the money”

“You’re doing _This_ for money? Seriously?” Valerie says looking mildly disgusted and about to rip him a new one.

“Heh whoa now, wasn’t my idea and they went and set the whole thing up before even telling me their scheme.” Danny states explaining himself to hopefully avoid the huntresses explosive aggression.

“I just decided, fuck it, the little tit would have mocked me relentlessly if I refused” Danny sigh through a smile.

“Fair enough ghost, though I hope you aren’t leading anyone to believe this is an actual date” she accuses

“What?! Of course not, I’m not some kind of douche bag” Danny defends, hands held up.

“Well, I can’t say I disagree. You seem oddly normal in this kind of setting” Valerie remarks.

“Uh, well I Uh guess we never really uh see each other outside of fights huh?” Danny quickly schools his expression.

“No, no we don’t. Maybe that should change but definitely not meeting this way again though” Valerie looks away awkwardly wondering why he seems so comfortable to be around, like she just wants to keep talking to him?

“I mean that would be uh nice, definitely don’t want to fight you anymore that’s for sure and uh actual friendship would be preferable to this and being allies we could possible fight together, there’s uh a lot more ghostly threats here than most people think and -“

“You’re rambling, which even I know is out of character, Phantom” Valerie cuts him off harshly while looking both concerned and awkward.

“Oh uh yeah I guess I was, well uh you’re usually trying to kill me so I’d think a little awkwardness is warranted” Danny admits rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Even more so with this whole set up” he gestures around.

“Heh, true Phantom” she says her voice softer now. “Maybe I’ll see you around another time and place, I’ll let you get along to your other paying guests” she chuckles dryly handing him 25$ rather than 20$.

“Extra?” Danny questions looking down at the money but when he looks up she’s long gone.

The second little “date” is even more unexpected, actually it’s flat out absurd. To the point where Danny can only laugh and he mutters while wiping away a tear “what the fuck, why are you here?”

“For the date ghost child-“

Danny’s mild choking cuts him off, Danny then says “you? Date? Well, here I was thinking the only thing you fancied of me was my pelt” Danny finishes grinning like an absolute devil.

“It is nothing like that! Though I would take your pelt if you’re offering?” Skulker finishes with a hint of a threat

“Hah! no, even if I skinned myself you wouldn’t be able to catch the freed skin” Danny quips maintaining a shit-eating grin.

“And that’s what I’ve come to solve on this “date” I will capture photos of every angle to adorn my floor with, so I will see your face where it belongs on my floor! Until the day I can finally put you there, whelp!” Skulker exclaims excitedly as he slams his hands on the table of ice.

Danny slack-jawed and more surprised than he’s been since he re-half died “how do you manage to keep being more gross? You want photos? Of my pelt? Dude, you need a hobby that isn’t me”

“Never ghost Child, until I have what is mine!” Skulker grins

“Jeez… what the hell, fuck it but I’m not getting naked you sick metal fuck” Danny points at him aggressively while getting up.

Skulker looks as if he’s seen a ghost “uh no that won’t be necessary, you, uh, your suit is part of your pelt whelp”

Winking Danny retorts “Yeah and it’s skintight too”

— Off in a tower of clocks, one old looking ghost physically slams his entire face into a wall. -

After walking for about two minutes the duo settled on a nice tree filled area, Danny starts random ass poses varying from silly to increasingly unique ways to flip Skulker the bird. Eventually, he starts doing intentionally stupid but “sexy” poses with flowers from the ground in his mouth because ClockWork so help him, he will make this as awkward as possible.

“Oh please ghost child, this is absurd and visually painful even by your standards” Skulker, sounding like a tired parent.

“Well I’m visually fine enough for you to want my pelt and you wanting photos is far more absurd, if I do say so myself” Danny mutters through two daisy stems with a raised eyebrow with both legs over his head, and arms crossed in front of him resting on the ground.

“It is not like that!” Skulker indignantly yells.

“Suuuuure, whatever you say. Personally, I wouldn’t want to wake up every morning to the sight of a face and body I didn’t like” Danny says while very exaggeratedly and sarcastically winking.

“You are a powerful and one of a kind adversary that is all” Skulker grits out

While Danny’s doing a headstand on a tree branch with 6 daisies and a dandelion in his mouth “ain’t the only halfa tin man”

“Hah! Vlad isn’t a true halfa ghost child and that girl is just an unstable clone”

“Wha-“

“Enough of this” Skulker interupts while waving at Danny who’s now planking on top of the tree. “I’m sure I have enough, now take this rose candy”

“I’ll repeat, wha?” Previous “Vlad's not a true halfa” comment forgotten in lue Of the offered chocolate rose.

“I may want your pelt and you dead, ghost child, but I’ll still be a gentleman and you’re supposed to give flowers and chocolate on dates” comes Skulkers frustrated reply

“So this was a date” Danny says with a raised eyebrow placing the chocolate flower in his mouth.

Skulker facepalms muttering “why are you like this? So much power and this is what you do with it” as he turns and flies off.

Once Danny is sure Skulker is truly gone he transforms back and walks home.

“Whelp, that was exactly more absurd then I’d ever imagined this would play out” chuckling to himself as he unwraps his chocolate “that was absolutely worth it though” catching a glimpse of the wrapper before stuffing it in his pocket he noticed writing “uwu, what’s this? A love note-O geez yeah shoulda saw that coming” Danny wheezes staring at the death threat of “photos are only place holders for the prize! Your pelt will be mine ghost child!”. “His writing is worse than mine, Tucker is going to love this and Sam is so going to kill me” shaking his head humorously “Well half kill me anyways”.

Unfortunately, a genuine attacking ghost decided to show up resulting in Danny have to fight it off and the rest of the “dates” being moved to Sunday.

Tucker, after Danny finally joins up with them, “dude I know you like kicking ghost butt but why are you grinning and looking like you’re on the verge of exploding with laughter?” Tucker eyes The now wheezing and curled over in laughter Danny “whatever the joke is I so want in on it” Tucker pleads.

Sam raises an eyebrow and takes the chocolate rose wrapper from his outstretched hand and immediately falls over laughing. “Oh god, no way, why is this on a red and green wrapper?” Sam says through laughs. “Give it here!” Tucker snatch’s it away and also falls over in Laughter “this is from a chocolate rose! Oh my Plasmius! Did Skulker! Freaking Skulker! Mister tin man hunter “I want to wear your pelt”” Tucker mimicks while laughing “give you a chocolate rose?!” Tucker finally manages to finish.

Having calmed down Danny breathlessly says “yup, he said a gentleman always brings flowers and chocolate to a date” Danny doubles over laughing again.

“Jeez Danny did he seriously? Like an actual date? Christ” Sam says both concerned and so baffled she’s worried her face might melt.

“According to him it was not a “date” he just wanted “pictures” to “adorn” his floor with” Danny says somewhat calmed down again but grinning like an idiot

“Dude, what? He wanted pictures? Like what-“

“Please tell me they weren-“ Sam tried to cut in but Danny cuts her off.

“Hell no, apparently my suit is part of my pelt” Danny gestures at himself even though he doesn’t have his phantom suit on cause he’s not in phantom form.

“Dude, I’m not sure if that’s less or more creepy” Tucker chuckles “so you had a photo shoot for Skulker? Pretty sure that wasn’t part of the “date” deal”

“Dude, it was so absurd and out of nowhere that there’s no way I could pass up on that level of weird” Danny points at him while giving him a what-do-you-think-I’d-do look.

Then realizing Danny goes “aw fuck, metal head didn’t pay me”

“Wow Danny you sure are a great hooker” Sam jeers sarcastically

“Honestly dude, this” Tucker gestures at the rose wrapper “is way better than money”

— cut to Sunday -

Yet again Danny finds his date surprising, and yet again it’s a freaking ghost. “If this wasn’t Ember I’d wonder how the hell she knows, but Skulker obviously told her about yesterday” sighing Danny leans back and simply watches Embers mischievous face approach.

“What’s Up lover boy?” Smirking she adds “going on dates for money I hear”

“Eh needed the cash, on that note not only did your boyfriend manage to become even more of a creep he also didn’t pay me” Danny gives a disapproving raised eyebrow.

“Oh like we have any money and like we even care, though yeah I’ll agree the pictures of you all over his floor is fucking creepy” Ember looks at her boot and grimaces.

“Well that was fast, which makes it slightly more creepy. Glad to see he made your sing-song ass creeped out though” Danny says with a smirk

“Oh can it dipstick” Ember glares

“So what you here for, obviously not a date and obvious not body shoots” Danny eyes her carefully

“You’ve dated right? That hunter chic and that goth girl” Ember states looking at her shoe again.

“Uh did you come here. For. Dating advice?” Danny asked taken aback “cause while yeah I’ve dated, not the goth chic though, I wouldn’t call myself some expert. Plus I’m a dude” Danny says slightly confused and defensive

“Exactly! And there’s no way you and the goth haven’t dated” Danny gives her a look “geez wow dude either you’re oblivious or you’re actively ignoring that obvious attraction” Ember says judgingly

“Who’s love life are we supposed to be talking about here?” Danny rolls his eyes.

“Hmmph, not mine.” Noting Danny’s furthered confusion Ember continues “Kitties actually, she didn’t want to come herself because, well didn’t go so well last time apparently” she looked accusingly at Danny.

“Hey now, she overshadowed a girl and tricked me into dating her without me even knowing it was her, just to make Johnny jealous! Not cool” Danny says while waving his hand.

“I don’t see a problem there” Ember shrugged while Danny just glared “anyways, Johnny’s been pushing her to be all more like skimpier? And she’s not cool with that. Which I totally get, girls shouldn’t dress for men you know?”

“I mean I won’t object to nice looking form fitting clothing, Hell that's I wear” gesturing at himself “smug bastard” Ember mutters while smirking. Danny continuing “but yeah it’s a dick move to try and control ya girls clothing. But I ain’t sure how I’m of service here?” Honestly, at this point Danny’s eyebrow might as well be perminately raised.

“Well dipstick, you're a Guy, he’s a guy. So like, how’s she supposed to “talk dude” to him to make him cut that shit out” Ember asks like this question is obvious.

“Well I mean it’s not like me and Johnny are exactly comparable. Us being dudes don’t make us the same. But I’ll tell yeah what we do in my household? Specifically when Johnny himself was getting all uppity with my sister”

Ember shoots him a surprised and very curious look, leaning in “Oh do tell”

“Well my dad went after him with the creep stick, it’s a baseball bat” Danny chuckles while Ember just looks mildly impressed “meanwhile I tricked him into letting me beat him up so Kitty felt bad for him and went back to him. But I also tricked his dumb ass into revealing that to her, so she got mad at him but it got them speaking again”

“Ok, and how’s that gonna help, though it is great gossip”

Ember presses though more impressed than she lets on.

“Well I’d say let him get wailed on, bring his ego down a notch or two, preferably beaten up by a girl he thinks little of and have Kitty save his dumb ass” Danny finishes with a sneaky devils smile.

Ember, wide-eyed “that’s both a dick move and genius, you’ll make a hell of a king when you’re older” Ember swiftly and eagerly stands up shoving a chocolate rose in Danny’s hair.

While Danny just confusedly says “wait King?!? Wha-“ but it’s too late she’s gone. And she didn’t leave any money.

The fourth date is finally the expected one though interru-“I AM THE BOX GHOST!” Danny’s head snaps around as a Paulina that was just aggressive running towards his tables then jumps and flings herself onto him as the Box Ghost enthusiastically appears behind her. Catching Paulina the two fall over onto the floor “Oh hi Phantom!” Paulina says giddily “look I brought you fancy chocolate!” Shoving the box that was in her purse seconds ago right into his mouth while still laying on top of him.

Muffled Danny bashfully says “yeah hi uh thanks”

Sitting up he manages to slide a clinging Paulina off his lap and stands them up, looking at the Box Ghost and taking the candies out of his mouth he asks “and what do you want?”

Looking down at the box of chocolates the Box Ghost loudly comments “Even I know that Phantom doesn’t like cherry filled chocolate!” The box ghost then throws a square-shaped rose chocolate into Danny’s hair and flies off screaming “FEAR ME!”

Off in the distance, the Box Ghost can hear a faint muttering “how does he even know that?”

Paulina wide-eyed stares at the chocolates she got him and then at the box rose sticking in his hair. “Oh mi god! Oh no! Do you really not like the cherry filled ones!” She seems absolutely crushed. “I could get you other ones, here I even brought Thin Mints?” At this Danny’s interests is highly peaked. “Thin Mints are freaking fantastic! I could and would bathe in them!” The oddness Of the second statement completely goes over Paulina’s head as she ecstatically gives him the Thin Mints, though still a little sad at the miss with the cherry filled chocolates. “Ha! Expensive kind too, guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I uh do hear you’re pretty rich” Danny’s calm demeanour wavers slightly when he realizes this is Paulina and also doesn’t know he’s Fenton and Phantom.

“Yup! Only the best for my future husband!” She shouts excitedly with a little squeal. Sitting down Danny decides to Hell with it I’m gonna have a damn Thin Mint. It is then that Paulina discovers Danny is a cute little shit for Thin Mints as he proceeds to stick just the corner in his mouth and lightly suck on it. He looks so content that she doesn’t dare disturb him, though she does snap a photo; with the sound off of course. As the chocolate melts/is licked away he slowly pulls more of the chocolate into his mouth with his lips until the whole Thin Mint is gone, which he did like a dumbass with his eyes closed the entire time. He just can’t help it ok! Thin Mints are gold incarnate! Coming back to reality Danny tries to compose himself “so uh whatcha been up to” he finishes lamely. But Paulina is far to enamoured with his Thin Mint act to give a shit. “You are perfect” she sighs with wistful eyes. The rest of the “date” progresses with much of the same: Paulina fawning, Danny being an awkward little shit and the occasional pun. Once Paulina goes, which honestly only happened because she wore herself to the point of unconsciousness so that Danny had to fly her home, she may or may not have been faking it though. Once Danny finally got free the first thing he did was enjoy another Thin Mint, the wonders of which washed away his alarm at be called future king. With Thin Mints he wouldn’t even blink if someone told him he was a monster alien from another dimension and a king! But that would be crazy and stupid.

The fifth and final “date” Turns out to be Dash. “Well I can’t say I’m shocked, guy’s like my biggest fanboy” Danny sighs. When Dash gets up to him he dumps a literal armload of assorted cheap Candies and a 20$ Of course. Surprised Danny says “dude, candy isn’t a requirement for admission”

“Don’t care you’re like my hero! And you deserve candy for that” Dash aggressive shoulder grabs him though Danny easily shrugs him off. “Uh thanks”

“Bro, you must be like super ripped” Dash exclaims at how easily Danny brushed him off. Before Danny can do anything Dash aggressive lifts up his shit, revealing a toned muscular chest.

Danny just stares at him and deadpans “dude. Really.”

Dash doesn’t even notice, which is honestly expected. “Holy potato cakes! You are something else! You so could wreck the other schools on the field!”

“Yeah no shit I’m a ghost and I’m pretty sure ou-your school wouldn’t allow that” Danny says with slight amusement.

“Anyways bro can you like sign my abs?”

Danny thinking this is honestly the least weird request “Eh, fuck it why not” Danny takes Dash’s sharpie and signs away. “Fuckin cool bra!” Dash yells. As he then launches into game of twenty two questions. Everything from “who do you have a crush on” to “do ghosts wear underwear” was asked. Eventually, though Dash has to go home, once he ran out of shit to ask and even he found it to awkward.

Watching Dash go while Dash aggressive waved back at him, Dash proceeds to walk into a yield sign.

Danny laughing “Thank Plasmius that’s over, I was at the point where I literally want to die, fully die!”

Danny took off, finally able to go home and get some sleep.

— cut to early morning at Fenton works -

“Well that’s more than enough”

“Dude only two people paid you” Tucker pointed out.

“Once again, fantastic hooker skills there Danny” Sam smirked

“Hey, now Paulina gave me 200$! Not to mention the Thin Mints” Danny said with a massive smile and a slight animated jump into the air.

“Dude, you have an addiction and you eat those things like an anime school girl”

“Oh shut it Tuck, let him enjoy the finer things in life. Which definitely includes chocolate” Sam gave Tucker a playful shoulder push.

“Agreed, though I’m good with not seeing anymore chocolate roses for a while” Danny says shaking his head. He still doesn’t know how the Box Ghost’s square rose got so badly stuck in his hair, it took him 3 hours to get it out.

“Well, we all better get off to school now, still can’t believe even half the shit that happened to you did” Sam says shaking her head.

“Guys, holy Plasmius! Danny, dude Paulina captured your Thin Mint face!” Tucker quickly waves his PDA in their faces while their walking. Causing Danny to aggressively facepalm, while Sam makes a mocking cutesy face.

“Aww Danny look at that, you’re so cute! Like a little obsessive world destroyingly powerful cat”

— cut to at school -

“I don’t know whether I hate you or love you right now, Tucker” Danny sighs exhaustedly as 17 oddly box-shaped chocolate roses fall out of his locker, along with 6 normal shaped one, as three a-listers stare on in pure shock.

“How the hell did fenturd get one flower chocolate thing let alone that many?” Dash says completely bewildered and slightly pissed off. “I don’t even get that much on Valentine’s Day in cards!” Now Dash is just plain pissed. How dare some geek loser one up him!

“Oh, we so have to find out who they’re from” Paulina cuts in her inner gossip queen trumping Dash’s tantrum.

“Uh, I don’t think he really wants them though” Kwan adds in.

“Who cares! Fentoenail is gonna answer! This better be some practical joke” Dash borderline growls.

Eventually, Danny just shoved them all back into his locker “I’ll just deal with all of“ gesturing wildly at his locker “that later”. Three A-listers have other plans though, all three of them cut class just to pick his damn lock, turns out Paulina is scary good with her hairpins. They get it open pretty quickly and discover that none of the roses have names attached but most, Hell all the non-box shaped ones, have varying degrees of threats on them. The group gag at the descriptiveness of some of them.

“I’ll use your intestines as Christmas tree garland” Kwan quotes “what the hell man, these are straight messed.”

Dash looking at one that reads “houses shall be made with you flesh” nods “this is definitely one hell of a sick joke. I’d say “A plus bullying” but this is very extreme even for me” Dash and Kwan are both disgusted and surprised at that realization. They stuff everything back in the freak kids locker and decide to never talk about the murder flowers again. Though they might consider beating up anyone who comes around looking dangerous with a bunch of chocolate flowers. “Honestly man, who even writes shit like that? “I’ll see to it your intestines are used as jumping rope and a piss tube”, like What. The. Fuck” Kwan mutters more to himself than to Dash. Dash nods anyways.

— cut to somewhere off in the ghost zone -

One clock based ghost lays on the floor coated in tears of laughter, one metal beast stares proudly at his floor and a yeti though confused smiles fondly “at least the great one is getting some positive attention for once”. While many other ghosts are busing themselves writing threats in rose chocolate wrappers. Unbeknownst to one Danny Phantom, Skulker told literally everyone but when they heard of not only Ember but the Box Ghost also giving him chocolate roses a plan was hatched.

All of Danny’s enemies, most of his friends and even a few whom he’d never met all agreed to send him these chocolate roses. Many opting to send as many as possible to the most Inconvenient, for him, places possible. Usually his locker or the bathroom.

“Come on guys its free food and for once their fucking with my day without trying to kill, maim, destroy or obliterate me!” Danny said with a wide grin.

“Dude three of those mean the same thing”

“Eh, there’s slight differences really” Danny said shrugging.

Now while Danny was living up the chocolate life Mr. Lancer was both baffled and annoyed. Frequently telling the boy to clean up the mess and yelling in the hall that who ever was doing this better stop. All the while the trio just giggle as silently as they can.

And little did the ghosties know they had inadvertently obliterated Danny and Tucker's food bill via mountains of chocolate.

For a full three weeks, there was a near constant stream of chocolate roses in the boy’s locker and after the third day, he was hooked on the joke himself.

Even after it died down, he’d get random chocolate roses from any and all ghosts forever more.


End file.
